Today is the day, it has finally arrived! I thought I had sorted things out already, like my baggage, but it turns out I’m not completely ready. I spent hours getting ready, and I went to bed late at around 3 am. I woke up unwillingly. I had that feeling of cancelling all the plans at the last minute, getting rid of the stress and staying in bed, happy without any worry… But I had to force myself to have a better future. 

I got up and got ready with no emotions. Two suitcases, one backpack, one purse, and a laptop bag. With the help of my sister, there we were sitting on the backseat of the bus, worrying if we’d make it to the airport on time in this traffic on a Monday morning, among others who are trying to get somewhere on time. We got caught up in the rain only for a short while, but my suitcases got wet. But I was glad we got to the airport on time. When I was about to go through passport control, I said goodbye to my sister, and she started crying. I cried too. I didn’t have many emotions until that point, but I realized I am going to miss her and my family. I got used to living with them, and I knew it would take a while to get used to being independent again. I just hoped I would be myself after all this time. And my cats… I knew it would be a while before I brought them to my new home, but I need to be patient. 

I don’t fly often, so I’m scared of it. But it was a smooth flight. I ate a full plate of fresh, warm food and a merlot. It was delicious. We landed in Vienna so smoothly. I bought a train ticket to Linz. I got on the train and just sat there waiting. Not many thoughts on my mind. I just hoped everything would work out for me.

I got off the train. It was cold. The distance was so short I thought I could walk to the hotel. There was gravel on the sidewalk, and it was so hard to drag my suitcases, and I was sure they were ruined. I got to the hotel and got my keys. I went up to my room. It was a nice room. So much storage space. It still felt empty. I went out for groceries. I needed to eat something. There was a Lidl close by. I bought some food and iced tea. 

I got back and hopped in the shower. As the sweet water ran down my face, I tasted it. It was so sweet, so different from the water in my city. I started crying. I thought about the story my mom told me a few days ago. How life was hard for her. She started crying as she talked about the past, so did I, just like right now. I complain a lot sometimes because I don’t get what I want. But my mom had a hard life as well. And she wouldn’t even dream of doing what I am doing right now. So I was crying in the shower, thinking about how privileged I am now. I am in another country doing a master’s, and I have everything I want, maybe not everything, but so much more than my parents had. Even though I worked really hard for it, I still feel privileged. I know that not everyone gets to have the things I have, simple things, but someone’s dream…

I left the shower and stood in front of the mirror naked. I looked at myself for a minute. So what now?